ACCEPTANCE

The sun is in the sky, high up and bright, shinning giving life to the world. I look at it, shinning brightly, trying to get me to smile, but I still feel alone. Still feel this nagging pain in my heart, still feel like there is just me, no one else.

The clouds start coming now, slowly floating, ever so lightly in the sky. They cover the sun, but the sun rays still pass through the clouds, still getting me to smile, still getting me to show some emotion. I stand there, doing nothing, not moved at all by the warmth and joy of the sun. I stand there, waiting for the dark and gloomy. Stand there, defying the sun.

The clouds turn grey, black. The rain starts pouring, almost immediately without any warning at all. Something in me snaps. I’m like a dam that finally broke. My body loses all its will and I give in. Finally, the rain pours and I fall to my knees. They hurt as they reach the ground, splashing the water around them.

The rain comes down to me harder and harder. The rain has achieved what the sun could not do. The rain has taught me to feel again. The rain has reminded me of my heart and how it aches.

The rain comes down, and I am naked on my knees and so, so, so very cold. I scream and shout for someone to come, keep me warm, even just for a moment. But there’s no one. I scream and shout until my thoart turns red. I scream and shout until I feel exhausted.

So finally, I give up and I accept. The rain comes down harder. I stop screaming. I accept. I feel the rain on my skin, every part of my body. I accept. I am naked, cold on my knees and alone. No one is coming. I close my eyes, let my body fall to the ground. I accept. I’m cold, naked, lying on the ground. No one’s coming. NO ONE’S COMING! And I’m alone……..

(written on 5th July 2009, Sunday at 4.39pm. very rainy Sunday.)