WHEN FATHER’S DAY HAS NO FATHER

I know that my biological father is around somewhere in the world and that he is not dead. I also know that he wants to talk to me, only because he wants money from me. I know that I am not bitter although he abandoned my family when I was sixteen, around five years ago. I also know that unlike most children who grew up without a father in their lives, I am not sad when Father’s Day comes and goes. To me, it’s just like any other day.

I still remember what he looks like. At least, what he looked like five years ago. Even though he was physically around for fifteen years of my life, I cannot remember a time where I had taken the trouble to make him a Father’s Day gift, or to go out and buy something meaningful for him. The thing is, even though he was physically present for fifteen years, he was not a dad.

Anyone can be a father. Anyone can make life. But there is a significant difference between being a biological father and being a dad. All daughters and sons look up to their father as a hero. I remember when i was younger, I really wished that I had a father who was a firefighter, who worked in a profession that I could be proud of. I wanted a hero as a father. I tried very hard to find that in him, but of course i could not find anything worthy. He was far from being a hero.I suppose if my biological father was my hero, he would most likely have received a Father’s Day card. Instead what i remember most about my father, is seeing him in another woman’s house while following my mother on a stake out when i was fifteen.

Everything I know about a father’s love is all in theory and all from observing other children around me. I do not know what it feels like to receive love from a father, mainly because I have never been given this privilege. But still like I said earlier on, I am not sad, I am not bitter. In a lot of ways, it has made me a stronger person. My father taught me the best lesson ever; that I have to survive on my own in this world.

I know that years from now, Father’s Day would mean something more than just a day to me. I know that years from now, I will make a card for a hero. I know that years from now, I would celebrate Father’s Day, but not as a daughter, but as a wife. I believe that someday, I would meet an amazing man who would be a hero in my eyes and the eyes of my children. He would be the father I never had to our children. He would be our firefighter, our hero and I would make him a Father’s Day gift when my children are infants. When they are older, I would most definitely teach them to how to do so.